i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
