Will you blow on my dice?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
