Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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