I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
