Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
