the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
