thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
