He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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