Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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