i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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