So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
