I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.