I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN