i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants