I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.