She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.