Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
