i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
