um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
