listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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