You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
