I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
