i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
