Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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