I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
