2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
