don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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