I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
