No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
