i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
