Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's get the cat blown out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize