i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
