He kissed a someone with a penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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