so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
