Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
