I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
