I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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