just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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