Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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