dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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