omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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