my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
