He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
