Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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