her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i think my cat just said my name.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
