I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
