Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
