OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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