they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
