hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize