I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
