This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
