Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
