I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
