Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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