your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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