The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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