ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
