And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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