I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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