Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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