i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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