It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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