So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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