Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
